These Phrases given by My Father That Helped Me as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a larger reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often internalise harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a break - going on a short trip overseas, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."